Cursed...

Have you ever felt as though you were cursed? That is the current feeling I'm experiencing. I sometimes feel as though no one truly understands me, possibly that the majority of people are just not listening, and so they miss out on the details they could only gather if they were silent. Many others have an 'idea' of what they think I am, but ideas are just images floating around in your head. Can we look at the actual thing being observed? Can we listen to it?

I reminds me of the story of the Hindu deity Hanuman. His curse was much different than mine, but I just love sharing the beauty of his story. When Hanuman was a kid, he was disrespectful to the priests and would rearrange their altar items on them. To punish him they put a mild curse on him that he would never be able to remember his abilities. This was a blessing in disguise, because it means there was no ego; there was nothing in his mind to be prideful or boastful about, because he couldn't remember anything good about himself. He was totally devoted to God and did whatever God told him to do. When God was going around repaying everyone he couldn't repay Hanuman because his devotion was so outstanding and self-less, God had nothing he could repay Hanuman with. Then, Hanuman opens up his chest and there he gives God an image of itself, basically saying that God was already living inside of him.

In my case, I feel like in both work and my relations with others, I'm serving others and the efforts are going unrecognized; or that they'll go on in their life never realizing the contribution I made in service to them. In my case, it's total ego, but it feels like a curse when I desire to have relation-connection with others and I don't feel I have come into contact with a good set of ears. It tends to motivate loneliness and isolation. Maybe if I could be cursed like Hanuman?